Everyone has certain things that they know way too much about. I happen to know too much about nothing. I'm my own walking, talking Seinfeld episode. See, I'm already referencing television! I'm one of those people who will refer to pop culture at least ten times a day. OK more than that and usually it's something from the late 90s or early 2000s. Sometimes I manage to keep the quote or joke to myself, but other times it pops out of my mouth before I even know what I'm saying. It's hard to know whether people think it's genuinely funny or clever or if they just think I'm nuts. This blog is to state this truth: It's perfectly cromulent to be a geek.
For you non-geeks out there, the word "cromulent" might seem new and foreign to you but wow, what a great new word! To my geek buddies, they know immediately (ok maybe not immediately) that the word is made up and from The Simpsons. What other show could invent two words in one episode (Lisa the Iconoclast) that pass as real? "Cromulent" is actually in Webster's dictionary! Did y'all know that? I didn't until ten minutes ago. Well that's what Wikipedia says but I haven't looked to see for myself. The other word creation of that episode is "embiggen" which has apparently been used in scientific journals as an acceptable word. I love words, especially if they're strange and unusual. To have them be creations of probably my favourite show of all time, all the better!
Some people might want to call me a nerd instead of a geek. Before I decided to start this silly blog, I called myself a nerd too. How wrong I was! A nerd probably would have known the difference between the two labels. Three words, "Big Bang Theory". Those guys are nerds. Big ones. I don't know the first thing about physics and I totally hate and suck at math. Nerds are smart in about stuff like that, about the real life smart stuff. I'm a geek because my brain is full of useless information. OK maybe not useless since it can amuse and entertain and occasionally win free beer at pub trivia nights but definitely useless in the grand scheme of things. I can answer pretty much anything with a Simpsons or Seinfeld quote, can reenact the entire movie of Back To The Future and will sing along to any song I know the words to even if it completely sucks. But yet to embody the title of a true "geek", I believe I am lacking in certain qualifications.
First and foremost, I don't like Star Trek. I went and saw the latest movie and thought it was OK but a true Trekkie might kill me immediately for saying that. I don't really even know what they'd think of that statement actually since I don't even know if that movie was up to snuff compared to the other movies and TV shows. I tried to add to my geek repertoire though so points for that.
Secondly, I have not seen one Star Wars movie. Yes, I know. Blasphemous to anyone alive let alone anyone professing to be a geek of any kind. My defense on this one is that if I've gone this long, it's sort of become my mission to not watch the movies. I admit it doesn't make much sense but I'm sticking to it. I figure that I can redeem some of my geek status by saying that I do know practically the entire script of Spaceballs. That's gotta count for something. Maybe I just have a problem with movies with the word "Star" in the title...
And probably most importantly, I have not read or seen any of the Lord of the Rings series. OK I saw the first movie but I don't even know what it was called. I'm out of the club right? I figure I make up for it in Harry Potter knowledge. Yes, I know that's not the same thing but it's all I got. Before I die I will read at least one Lord of the Rings book. Maybe. They're just so damn long! Sorry. I know people are sensitive to this subject matter and I do not wish to offend. Geeks united.
I'm sure there are other prerequisites of being the ultimate geek supreme and I'll find them. Whether or not I'll like them is another story but I think I've got enough of the basics handled to at least be qualified enough to write this blog of mine. I don't really know where it's gonna go but I figure it might be fun to indulge a bit and let a bit of my geek out onto the interwebs (because we all know there just isn't enough geek out there in cyber space) and perhaps I'll be better at suppressing the quotes and gags in civilised conversation. Or maybe not. Fingers crossed?
"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my demetia?" ~ George Costanza, Seinfeld
